Busy in wonder: Who Knows, Maybe I’ll See The Glass Half full…

Insight, philosophy, thoughts, Uncategorized

If only for myself I write these thoughts, I’ll write yet more, to satisfy my own yearn for expression, my own desire to be heard, to matter, to be greater than the some of my parts. I know that my mirror reflects a man greater than it’s shown, a man with potential untapped and projections uncapped. I see a man of honour, I see a man of trust and wisdom. A man who’s allowed experience to guide him but knowledge to shape him. I see him stand, I see him speak, compassionate and firm, a glaring light.

Yet still most days I wonder. Most days I’m aware of who I am, who I was and who I would like to be – and I wonder, had my previous self been a little more free, free to think free to read, free to learn, free to be; and he had stood before that mirror would he see what I now see? And if that be true, then had time been wasted? Maybe. Or maybe it’s the experience that allows context to be applied to new knowledge. Maybe it’s the pain, maybe it’s the memories, maybe it’s the thoughts that only I can access, in the darkest corners of pneuma that even allow such a reflection to be possible.

These moments lead me to think that my vision isn’t in-spite of experience, but tethered to memory of all ilk. What I mean is that hope is a result of understanding ones experience and supplementing that with knowledge. I’m saying that growth in and of itself is doomed vanity hunt. For I could educate myself one thousand times over, make all the right decisions on paper and still not be a better Asya.

Hope is my wonder and I’ll be forever busy…

Coalition of The Broken

Insight, philosophy, Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

Engulfed by storms, when it rains it pours; no shelter for our dreams.

Despite the facts, all that we lacked,

in hope we stood,

with unreachable goals and the ignorance of innocence.

Time ticks, each of our canvas’ painted, they who were pure now bruised and tainted, sad and broken, alienated and dangerous.

So we leave dreams to sleep, if all loves attached to conditions just leave us be. From dreams to reality,

so many wide asleep, as we lay fast awake in our nightmares.

Open minds meet closed eyes.

Just pain and sorrow when we shut our eyes,

we hate this world but love our lives.

If only time could be renewed and history replayed.

I’d redraw the canvas, renegotiate our hate, redraft our deal, incubate the pain.

Provide us hope, ignite our dreams, engage our joys and redefine β€˜we’.

But where imagination and reality cross, we fine tune our desire, give glory to struggle and speak truth to power.

YESTERDAY

Insight, philosophy, Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

β€˜Remember, remember’ no sooner forgotten,

The allure of wonder, yet another broken promise.

For it was written but it never went that way,

So we’re left with the promise of better days,

a tomorrow of love, a peaceful hereafter.

Hope turns to fear after another disaster; I carried your dreams before you could bare the burden,

I etched your memory in blood and soil.

I wished to clear the storms and seek new pastures,

but you watched as my hope just went away.

You watched me weep, oh if time could speak; you’d understand how lonely this life can be, how cold and damaged a broken heart becomes, when time fades and curtains close on better days. You will remember me and know that you should have loved me yesterday.

π’±π‘œπ’Ύπ’Έπ‘’ π’ͺ𝒻 𝒯𝒽𝑒 π’Ÿπ’Ύπ“ˆπ‘’π“ƒπ’»π“‡π’Άπ“ƒπ’Έπ’½π’Ύπ“ˆπ‘’π’Ή

Insight, Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

The dreams of a young idealist, how brutal and cold this world can be.

How firm and resolute it’s grip may stay, with each passing day my ideals decay.

Since long I’ve denounced religion, yet my state remains, so in this state, I find I pray.

β€˜If an answer exists let it be revealed, if ignorance is bliss, then a burden it is. But, if happiness is this, I want no part.’

A young idealist, for years to come, I’ll walk my path, a lonely one.

I’ll keep this hope, if only that,

to speak truth to power and understand that actions are neither static nor binary.

Understand that without friction there is no change and during those times I pray;

β€˜Though my existence is not perfect, I live in peace, with shelter and hope, the chance to dream. And oh to the extent to which I am free, if my freedom is lynched to the infringement of that of others, then is it not our duty to speak for our Sisters and Brothers?’

Unforgettable

Insight, philosophy, Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

Have you ever had to smile when your down and your out, just to see tears swell your eyes when nobody’s around?
For the last thousand days you were β€˜holding things down’, with not a peep, not a word, the slightest incline or sound.
Then you stop to think about what you’ve been speaking about, read your own words off the page but you can’t speak them aloud?
Wonder how good may it feel to be free for change? To see joy in a Mote, to reason again.

β€˜Twas always easier said that done,
drown my soul in thoughts,
I’ll fix this and then mend that,
to find in the end I’m still the broken one.
You can fill the room yet be the lonely one. I wish I met one real friend, even if only one.
Still trapped in thought as hope is gone.

β€˜Twas always more idealist than realist,
to believe, more hope for a Mote of faith.
Avoidant and damaged, crass and callous, stoic yet broken,
But I’ll manage.
Maybe not thrive but manage.
Just maybe, just maybe.

 

Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

Still Busy In Wonder: Chapter 18… Eden or Nihilism? Driven by hope

Insight, philosophy, thoughts, Uncategorized

My fundamental understanding of life is that everything that you love will eventually hurt you. You have 2 options, love nothing or embrace the suffering that love brings.

If nothing else this provides hope. Hope is knowing that life is a garden of daisies and thorns, but picking without fear anyway. That feeling of joy you feel as the baby opposite you smiles at you on the train, because you know that canvas is blank and if nothing else that canvas still has hope.

I’ve been figuring why it is that hope is important and I’ve come to only one conclusion. Hope is what allows us to wake up everyday, regardless of yesteryears troubles and tribulations. Regardless of where thought may take me, to the depths of complete nihilism or Eden better yet, hope is what allows me to strive, despite the fact that I know little of what awaits me.

In a way it’s exciting, the fear, the wonder and the chase for all that which is beautiful. I guess my life is still ultimately a mission of wonder, but it’s a sequence of hope, hope for and endless supply of better tomorrows.5AD8F51B-B825-44DD-B340-F4C393CB407F

Her and her shadow

Insight, Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

She saw life as an ocean,
a sea of pain.
1000 emotions yet all she felt was pain.
Drown in that sorrow, pain is abyss,
And all time is borrowed.
If so, endless hurt is the consequence of such loaned treasure, but like all things good, it can not last forever.
For her life was an ocean, a sea of pain; she wondered ‘if I drown in sorrow, in my sea of pain, will this abyss cease and set me free again’

Love Me While I’m Here

Poem, Poetry, Uncategorized

It can happen in an instant,

One moment you’re cruising,

The next your sinking.

 

Those final moments can be so fitting;

life and death, forever besides never,

if deaths eternal then what is living?

 

I remember the way they saw me,

If only they knew I could see them now,

I flutter in and out of consciousness as they scream and shout.

 

β€˜Fight it… fight it’

But I’m done fighting,

I’m fully resigned to leaving now.

 

They don’t love me really, not even now.

 

They worry for their loss as they forget about mine.

I’ll be gone forever but they’ll forget that in time.

They should have loved me while I was here;

 

Before the pink left my lips and my dreams disappeared,

before time took my mind, before age took my frame,

back when we had more time, more memories to make.

 

They never loved me while I was here.

But as I’m leaving they love me again?

Funny how things change.