Busy in wonder: Who Knows, Maybe I’ll See The Glass Half full…

Insight, philosophy, thoughts, Uncategorized

If only for myself I write these thoughts, I’ll write yet more, to satisfy my own yearn for expression, my own desire to be heard, to matter, to be greater than the some of my parts. I know that my mirror reflects a man greater than it’s shown, a man with potential untapped and projections uncapped. I see a man of honour, I see a man of trust and wisdom. A man who’s allowed experience to guide him but knowledge to shape him. I see him stand, I see him speak, compassionate and firm, a glaring light.

Yet still most days I wonder. Most days I’m aware of who I am, who I was and who I would like to be – and I wonder, had my previous self been a little more free, free to think free to read, free to learn, free to be; and he had stood before that mirror would he see what I now see? And if that be true, then had time been wasted? Maybe. Or maybe it’s the experience that allows context to be applied to new knowledge. Maybe it’s the pain, maybe it’s the memories, maybe it’s the thoughts that only I can access, in the darkest corners of pneuma that even allow such a reflection to be possible.

These moments lead me to think that my vision isn’t in-spite of experience, but tethered to memory of all ilk. What I mean is that hope is a result of understanding ones experience and supplementing that with knowledge. I’m saying that growth in and of itself is doomed vanity hunt. For I could educate myself one thousand times over, make all the right decisions on paper and still not be a better Asya.

Hope is my wonder and I’ll be forever busy…

Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

What we are is endless,

what we are is recollections,

joy and anger,

souls marked by distance

and bound by time.

 

So to those who touched my life,

I pen this;

ode to friendship, kinship,

ode to love, the father of glory.

Glory for those who touched this story.

 

The days page turns,

companionship fans the flare of faith,

each bond rare and hard to break.

I cherish those ties, so hard to make

and give glory to those who fashioned this story.

YESTERDAY

Insight, philosophy, Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

β€˜Remember, remember’ no sooner forgotten,

The allure of wonder, yet another broken promise.

For it was written but it never went that way,

So we’re left with the promise of better days,

a tomorrow of love, a peaceful hereafter.

Hope turns to fear after another disaster; I carried your dreams before you could bare the burden,

I etched your memory in blood and soil.

I wished to clear the storms and seek new pastures,

but you watched as my hope just went away.

You watched me weep, oh if time could speak; you’d understand how lonely this life can be, how cold and damaged a broken heart becomes, when time fades and curtains close on better days. You will remember me and know that you should have loved me yesterday.

Unforgettable

Insight, philosophy, Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

Have you ever had to smile when your down and your out, just to see tears swell your eyes when nobody’s around?
For the last thousand days you were β€˜holding things down’, with not a peep, not a word, the slightest incline or sound.
Then you stop to think about what you’ve been speaking about, read your own words off the page but you can’t speak them aloud?
Wonder how good may it feel to be free for change? To see joy in a Mote, to reason again.

β€˜Twas always easier said that done,
drown my soul in thoughts,
I’ll fix this and then mend that,
to find in the end I’m still the broken one.
You can fill the room yet be the lonely one. I wish I met one real friend, even if only one.
Still trapped in thought as hope is gone.

β€˜Twas always more idealist than realist,
to believe, more hope for a Mote of faith.
Avoidant and damaged, crass and callous, stoic yet broken,
But I’ll manage.
Maybe not thrive but manage.
Just maybe, just maybe.

 

Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

Love Me While I’m Here

Poem, Poetry, Uncategorized

It can happen in an instant,

One moment you’re cruising,

The next your sinking.

 

Those final moments can be so fitting;

life and death, forever besides never,

if deaths eternal then what is living?

 

I remember the way they saw me,

If only they knew I could see them now,

I flutter in and out of consciousness as they scream and shout.

 

β€˜Fight it… fight it’

But I’m done fighting,

I’m fully resigned to leaving now.

 

They don’t love me really, not even now.

 

They worry for their loss as they forget about mine.

I’ll be gone forever but they’ll forget that in time.

They should have loved me while I was here;

 

Before the pink left my lips and my dreams disappeared,

before time took my mind, before age took my frame,

back when we had more time, more memories to make.

 

They never loved me while I was here.

But as I’m leaving they love me again?

Funny how things change.