Busy in wonder: Who Knows, Maybe I’ll See The Glass Half full…

Insight, philosophy, thoughts, Uncategorized

If only for myself I write these thoughts, I’ll write yet more, to satisfy my own yearn for expression, my own desire to be heard, to matter, to be greater than the some of my parts. I know that my mirror reflects a man greater than it’s shown, a man with potential untapped and projections uncapped. I see a man of honour, I see a man of trust and wisdom. A man who’s allowed experience to guide him but knowledge to shape him. I see him stand, I see him speak, compassionate and firm, a glaring light.

Yet still most days I wonder. Most days I’m aware of who I am, who I was and who I would like to be – and I wonder, had my previous self been a little more free, free to think free to read, free to learn, free to be; and he had stood before that mirror would he see what I now see? And if that be true, then had time been wasted? Maybe. Or maybe it’s the experience that allows context to be applied to new knowledge. Maybe it’s the pain, maybe it’s the memories, maybe it’s the thoughts that only I can access, in the darkest corners of pneuma that even allow such a reflection to be possible.

These moments lead me to think that my vision isn’t in-spite of experience, but tethered to memory of all ilk. What I mean is that hope is a result of understanding ones experience and supplementing that with knowledge. I’m saying that growth in and of itself is doomed vanity hunt. For I could educate myself one thousand times over, make all the right decisions on paper and still not be a better Asya.

Hope is my wonder and I’ll be forever busy…

Coalition of The Broken

Insight, philosophy, Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

Engulfed by storms, when it rains it pours; no shelter for our dreams.

Despite the facts, all that we lacked,

in hope we stood,

with unreachable goals and the ignorance of innocence.

Time ticks, each of our canvas’ painted, they who were pure now bruised and tainted, sad and broken, alienated and dangerous.

So we leave dreams to sleep, if all loves attached to conditions just leave us be. From dreams to reality,

so many wide asleep, as we lay fast awake in our nightmares.

Open minds meet closed eyes.

Just pain and sorrow when we shut our eyes,

we hate this world but love our lives.

If only time could be renewed and history replayed.

I’d redraw the canvas, renegotiate our hate, redraft our deal, incubate the pain.

Provide us hope, ignite our dreams, engage our joys and redefine β€˜we’.

But where imagination and reality cross, we fine tune our desire, give glory to struggle and speak truth to power.

β€˜Twas always easier said that done,
drown my soul in thoughts,
I’ll fix this and then mend that,
to find in the end I’m still the broken one.
You can fill the room yet be the lonely one. I wish I met one real friend, even if only one.
Still trapped in thought as hope is gone.

β€˜Twas always more idealist than realist,
to believe, more hope for a Mote of faith.
Avoidant and damaged, crass and callous, stoic yet broken,
But I’ll manage.
Maybe not thrive but manage.
Just maybe, just maybe.


Poem, Poetry, thoughts, Uncategorized

Still Busy In Wonder: Silent Thoughts… Chapter 13

Insight, philosophy, thoughts, Uncategorized

image.jpegIn silence there’s noise. The untold can be so pure and valid. We often judge people on what we see and hear, removing context and ignoring the fact that we are constantly playing roles in society. We grow and mould our image, but character is harder to manipulate. Character is final. It’s who you are, the foundation of your existence.

I think about an interesting quote I heard about Tupac. It described the different facets of his personality as the person who he is, the person who he has to be and the person who he wants to be. I wonder sometimes if who I appear to be is reflective of who I am, who I have to be or who I want to be? I wonder, in a different world could I package my persona differently? Be exactly what it is that I want to be, free of any societal pressures.

Who you want to be and who you have to be are both things that can develop over time. Experiences can shape your understanding of life and alter your ambitions, but those experiences also have the ability to force you to act a certain way for survival. Raise a genius in a shallow pool and they will learn, adjust and ultimately fit in. They will be the person they feel they are required to be in order to strive in that environment.

I wonder how many people genuinely get to be who they are in this world? And on the flip side how many people are forced to adapt to the harsh reality of life. In a world where morality and acceptance lay on an ever-swinging pendulum how valid can anyone’s image truly be? More importantly to me, how true of a representation is my image of me? Ultimately I wonder if I will become a victim of this cycle or break it. In the end it will always be a battle between who we are and what we are.